I should update. I've just fallen out of the habbit. Before, it was easy, I updated everyday, so I only had a few things to talk about, and the task wasn't so monumental. Now I feel like there are huge gaps in what's been going on, and I don't know where to start to catch you all up. I'm alone tonight, which I'm not happy about, but it's bound to happen sometimes, right? Julius is at Sombrengel's, which leaves my a house to myself. I had wanted to have Avigen over, but he's at Ghost's house right now. I'm in a snuggly kind of mood, so there's not too many other people that I'd like to spend time with. Joyia, Avigen, that's pretty much it. Neither of them are here now though, are they. ::sigh::

I still kind of have this feeling of being missplaced, but I kind of want to talk with Avigen about some of what's going on in my head. I told him as much, in this nice big note I wrote him a few weeks ago, it was this big long thing where I told him how I felt about him, and how long I'd loved him. He hasn't said anything about it, what I wrote, or about me wanting to talk to him. I don't even know if he read it. I gave it to him while he was mad at me. I do know that we talked on Halloween, I told him that we didn't get to spend time alone together anymore, he said he'd try to fix it. We've hung out alone once since... I don't know, It's just, well it's a few things. Sometimes we're at game, and I just feel like I don't even know him anymore, it's just been so long since I've actually gotten to sit and cuddle or talk with him. There are other times where I just feel pushed aside, and unwanted. I know a lot of that is probably in my head, and I'd feel much better if I could talk to him about it, I just haven't gotten the chance. The other thing that worries me is that I told him that Victor and I broke up because we didn't see eachother except at games, and that games were fast becoming my main method for seeing him. When I said that he got scared and thought I was breaking up with him, I don't want to do that, but someone you only see when you're gaming isn't really your boyfriend. ::sigh::

Something I do find funny is that He told me that Ghost had said to him that she doesn't think that She'll every be as important to him as he is to her. The reason I find it funny is because they had apparently had the conversation a day after I had told Julius that that is how I feel with him. It makes me wonder it it's just something about him that makes him feel that way. I don't know.

It's christmas next week, and I'm nowhere near done with my shopping. Luckily I worked some overtime at work so I should have the money to cover everything that I need to get... I'll just be scurring around croweded malls wanting to kill people, that's all.

All most my birthday, I'll be 21! I'm somehow less than excited though. I don't know, I just feel so taped...