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I'm so stupid sometimes
2007-01-23 - 00:37

So, I've gotten myself into a fine mess at work, and it's all my own fault too. (I'm not posting this on myspace because I don't want to chance any of the people I work with stumbling across it. Target is a good company to work for but rumors spread faster there than a head cheerleader's legs to the Quarterback) I like to think that I'm a friendly, fairly straight forward person. With a very few exceptions, I'm more than happy to talk about anything with anyone, and I think I've developed a fairly good handle on keeping it work appropriate. (with the exception of dirty Thursdays with one of my old Team Leaders when I was still operator, but I'm not operator anymore, and we don't get to do that anymore either, ask me if you're curious, I'll share).

Anyway, there's this guy at work. He's probably a few years older than my father. For the most part, he's a very nice man, but every now and then he crosses a line with me, and I never know how to react. This has been a chronic problem since I started working at the company. Here's how it went down today: *Manny (obviously not his real name, but it's easier to tell the story with a name, it cuts down on pronouns) is a pleasant man, who is always happy to see people, he's switched departments quite a few times, but never for bad reasons. He's a very huggy person, and often greets people with a big strong hug, and a kiss on the cheek. He greets me that way (which is fine) and if we're on a break at the same time, or walking the same way, Manny will often strike up a conversation with me. He asks about my family, where I used to live, who I live with, if I have a boyfriend etc. (again, all okay) I answer all of his questions, and when I tell him that I don't have a boyfriend, he asks me why. (I'm still okay with this) I tell Manny that I don't really want to deal with relationships right now. (partially true, mostly I don't want to explain to him the dynamics of my long distance girlfriend. There's a bit of a language barrier between Manny and me, and I don't know that he'd ever truly understand, but also, I'm happy where I'm at right now, besides being horny as hell. I don't want to deal with a close proximity relationship.) He asks how long I've been without a boyfriend, and I answer that it's been about three years. He tells me that I can put him on my list for when I'm ready to date again. I laugh.

Now if our conversation stopped there, everything would have been fine, but of course, it didn't. Manny looks at me and asks why I'm laughing. Shit. I stop laughing and think how to phrase it.

I say: "No offence Manny, but how old are you?"

He tells me that it doesn't matter, and asks how old I am. I tell him 24, and he says that I'm young, but that's okay. He asks me what age of man I like to date. I tell him around my age. He tells me that men my age are boys, and that I should be dating men around 40. At this point I have no idea what to say, so I roll my eyes, and go back to my work. He leans over the desk, and runs his finger across my forearm and tells me that he likes the hair on my arms. I jerked back from his touch. He can't have really realised it, but he has hit on one of the few things that I don't like talking about. I am extremely self conscious about my body hair. At this point I am completely flustered, and embarrassed, and I have no idea what to say, he asked me a few more questions like if I liked the hair on my arms, but I think he finally picked up that I was really uncomfortable (or someone called him so he went to go talk to them) and he left. He just caught me so off guard.

I went to talk to my Team Leader, and I told her everything but the whole arm hair thing (which I'm regretting now, but I really didn't want to talk about it with her). I told her that I knew I should have said something, but that I didn't know what to say, I do still have to work with Manny, and really everything up to him asking me why I was laughing was perfectly fine. We talked for a bit, and I know what to say now. Basically, I'm just going to tell him the next time he gets inappropriate, I'll let him know where the line is. If I tell him, and he crosses it again, then I'll bring my TL & ETL into it, but I'm really hoping that doesn't happen.

Now the only thing I have to deal with is controlling the urge to shave my arms.I took a shower earlier, and that's all I could think about. I don't know if it was because I'm upset at what happened this afternoon, or if Manny making the comment brought the issue to my attention, but until I'm sure that it's the latter, I'm not going to shave/nair anything new. It's not healthy to change something about yourself because someone else upset you.

I'm also upset that I didn't know what to say to him, and that I had to go to my TL for help. I'm HR now, and if anyone else had come up to me with the same problem, I would have known exactly what to say to them. Why couldn't I stick up for myself today? Ugh, I'm so pathetic.

cardiogirl - 2007-01-24 14:52:43
I know exactly how you feel. I am usually stunned into silence. I just can't believe people can be so forward and then the crazy part is that I wouldn't dare want to OFFEND them, even though that's just what they did to me. I'm working on becoming more assertive and letting people know when they are inappropriate. But it's really difficult for me. Good luck!
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