::curls up in a little ball:: I want Avigen to be here right now... I want to curl up in a little ball in his lap and just be week for a little bit... I don't want to worry about car payments, or bounced checks or needing to somehow pull 20 dollars out of my ass so that I can make a car payment on time... I don't want to think about how I need to go back to working two jobs so that I can afford this car, and save up for an apartment. I don't want to have to be in control of all the chaos swimming in my head... All I want is to curl up and be cuddled, and alowed to cry and get all of this out... but I can't... because it's 12:30 at night, and he's probably working tomorrow, and I won't get to see him.

::blink:: I just came to a very fucked up realization... Avigen and I started dating on the 7th... the same day that Victor and I started dating... like not the same month, but the same day.... Why the fuck am I that screwed up? ::sigh::

well I got the two days off to go see Joyia... That should be fun... I'm so looking foward to that...

I want to be happy right now, but I can't seem to find it in me... Like I'm loving my relationship with Avigen...Aislinn is so much fun to hang out with...Juluis never fails to make me laugh... I'm talking to punky aon a much more regular basis... but there still remains this lingering unhappines... ::shrug:: Maybe that's just life...