I just talked to Joyia... Some people need to back off of her. Some people need to trust her more than they do, Others need to stop getting what they want confused with what she wants. Some people have to be more honest with her, and what they are and are not okay with; others need to stop assuming that they know what she wants.

Joyia needs to not be afraid of telling people no, and also needs to get away from some of us I think.

Either way, the rally was fun. except near the end when I got angry for no reason, and Julius's mom wouldn't get off my back about it. I wasn't being rude to her, or any of her friends. I even went off to be sure that I wouldn't be, but she kept od digging into me to see what was wrong. When I got back I went to Avigen's house. Joyia, Peppy, Aislinn, and Promethius were all there, It was good to see Joyia again, I haven't seen her in forever. I kinda wished they weren't though, I was still off and It would have been nice to let go on Avigen for awhile. Although all things considered, I sopose it was better. I don't talk about it much in here, but I am into BDSM. I'm not hardcore into it (yet), but I'm getting there. I'm a switch, Avigen is usually a sub, but everynow and then he can be Dom. Last night I was dangerously Sub, and I think he picked that up, and switched into uber Dom mode. Last night could've ended painfully if I hadn't realized that when I did. I'm all kinds of fucked up right now, and when I say I was dangerously sub, I mean that I was in "i need punishment" mode, which would have been fine if Avigen had been in any other sort of Dom mood. Avigen has this very very dark side, It's never a threat to me, never never will be. I know this. Avigen would never do anything to me against my will, and normally wouldn't hurt me period. But I got this sence that last night his perceptions on where to stop may have been scewed. Anyother night that would be fine, I would stop him if it got to be too much. Last night I wouldn't have been able to do that...

He asked me today if I was scared of him last night. I wasn't. Not of Him, I was scared of us... if that makes any sence...

Today was my grandfathers birthday. we all went to see him, and my cousins started playing M.A.S.H. Does anyone else remember that game? I haven't played it in forever but Tonight I found out that:

Julius and I, and out 99 kids will live in an apartment in Hawii, and we will somehow be able to transport them all around in our porche...

~good night