I hate this I hate this, I hate this!!!! No one else is allowed to die... ever. I just got a call from my mother. My grandfather died. The one who was married to grammy. I son't even know what to think right now. My aunt cam in and found him lie ing on the floor dead. they think it was a heart attack. That's it, he's gone. he died alone. No one got to say good bye.

I can't express to you how much I loved this man. He was a WWII vet. He was a good man. HE was one of those old men who walked up to randome people and started conversations, without being creepy. He loved my grandmother so much. The last time I talked to him he was saying that he was thinking about getting out more, going to places like he used to. My grandmothers death killed part of him, but... I don't even know I have all these half formed thoughts raging through my head. I want to be pissed at someone, but who? I want to curl up in a blall and cry. I want him to not be dead, I and to hug him, and tell him I love him. I want to hear him say that he loves me. You know, for the longest time, he was the only person I believed when he told me that. He's still the only person who's never said it like they didn't mean it. and he's gone. just like that.

My mom was saying stuff like, well he's with grammy now and happy. and part of me really wants that to be true. another part of me thinks that if it were true I wouldn't be this up set, and another part of me thinks that it all just happened too soon, and that's why. I don't know. There's absolutely nothing I can do about any of this.