I feel wierd. I'm just so off right now. I went out to get gas, and while I was in line to pay for it, I was hit by the urge to buy a pack of cigaretts. I don't smoke. I just stood there thinking about it, and I really wanted to. I didn't though. I think it's really gross, and if I had it would have been something I would have hidden from people. I really don't know why that happened.

I went to work at the street today. I was thinking about keeping the job there while I was working at poland springs. I am going to do that for my 90 day trial period, I just don't think I will after that. Retail Sucks, and I really just want out. Now I have that window, and I was concidering closing it before I climbed through.

Avigen wen't clubing with Valley Goth last night. He said he had fun, but that he didn't want to go with her again because she was his shadow all night, and she gave him the appearance of being taken. I guess he met this girl who said that she wasn't into baggage. I pointed out that it didn't matter, because he was dating me, so the girl would have said the same ting eventually anyway. He agreed, but pointed out that he probably would have talked to her longer if Vally goth hadn't been there, and said that he'd rather get that when he's really with his girlfriend. It made me ahppy that He doesn't want to go clubing with her anymore. Julius thinks that it's because I'm jelous. I guess I am a little, I mean sometimes it seams like she spends more time with my boyfriend than I do. I'm more concerned than jelous. I don't like her. She's very insecure about herself, and she uses other people to make her feel better about herself. I worry that she's doingit with Avigen and Julius. I don't want them to get hurt when she decides betraying them will get her in better with someone else.

I feel like curling up in a ball and crying.

I feel alone.

I am alone right now, Julius is in the other room watching Austin Powers.

I want to loose myself in something.

or someone.

Julius saw punky at the mall today. She gave him her Cell phone number to give to me, and he gaver her mine. I called and asked her to come over here (I'm at Julius') but she was going home to eat. far be it from me to stop her from eating.

I think I'm gonna go get lost in a book.

mmm... wheel of time....