Had a talk with Avigen last night (I say last night because it's 4 in the morning right now), it did not go well. I'm okay with him being frustrated with me. I understand that, and I know it will go away when I have a job again. I did not know that he had been talking about me behind my back. I've been friends with him for 9 years, I didn't ever really expect him to do that, and I certainly never though I'd see him take pleasure in saying things to me that he knew would hurt me. At the very beginning of the conversation, when he was letting me know how disgusting he though it was that I had been unemployed this long, he had this evil look of enjoyment on his face.

I've been a huge bundle of stress for the past few months now. I'm not asking for pity, I'm not using it as an excuse for not finding a job; I'm just stating it as fact. There are a lot of issues in my life right now that need to be resolved, but I feel completely bound because none of them can even begin to be addressed until I have a job. Did I know Avigen was upset? Of course I did, he gets like that periodically. I didn't think it was because of me; he's been acting like nothings wrong most of the time. I never really though he'd be one to slap a shiny face over it all. Not with me anyway, not because I think I'm special or anything, just based on the fact that I've known him for so long. I was wrong, which makes me wonder what else I was wrong about. He asked me if the conversation changed things between us. It did, but I'm not sure how. Gods, I know I'm over reacting to this. I have to be; I've stressed myself into a migraine, a fever, and insomnia. I feel like this was the Bot-fly infested cherry on top of my huge shit sundae. Okay, I need to stop; the computer screen is making my migraine so much worse.