Okay, I'm sorry, I've been neglecting you all, and that's bad of me, but I don't really think I can keep more than 1 Journal at a time. all this posting back and forth kinda drives me nuts...
I've made the switch. I update Here a lot more frequently. I'm sorry. My bad. I'll still update here, it's just that so many people have made the switch, and something about myspace feels a little more... interactive? than Diaryland. ::sobs:: I'm a bad person.

Anyway, here's what I've been saying:

I hate coming across a picture of myself unexpectadly. Espically if it's of where you can't see my face. I hate it when I sit there looking at myself thinking that it looks like some one resized "that person" into the picture, so that "they're" on a slightly larger scale than everyone else, that all the flab is really gross, that those legs taper down almost to a point, like if you painted them pink then "that person" could be a giant gay pride triangle. Then I hate the moment when I realize that "that person" is me. That I'm really that gross. I don't know why I'm so down on myself today. Ugh.

You know, I was just going to go on for a bit about the difference between myself and my body and how I felt that my body wasn't a good reflection of myself, but as I was writing it, I came to the conclusion that my body is a pretty good representation of my emotional self right now. If you look close enough, you can see the potental, you can see how it might look if I could just get it together, there's just a lot of crap in the way...

Why is it that I always seam to get the most complements when I'm in a bad mood? All I wanted yesterday was to be in my bed. I really did not want to be at work, and spent most of the day moping around the desk in the fitting room. But is seamed like quite a few people were going out oc their way to say nice things about me. I was on break, and one of the women I work with came up and sat with me (which she usually never does) and asked if I was trying to loose weight, because she notices a big difference in the way I look.

Then I was back in the Fitting room, and one of the guys from the signing crew came over and took a pencil from my desk, I pointed out that it wasn't sharpened, and he said that it was okay, he just needed the eraser part, and walked away (No, that's not the complement, wait for it). Two minutes later he cam back and said "I'm sorry, I just feel like I should give you a complement. Your voice is always so pleasant. You really put a person at ease, it's nice" Then he smiled and went back to whatever it was he was going to do with the Eraser. there were a lot of other little things like that all day. It's not that I'm complaining about people saying nice things about me. And I'm not like typing this up so that all you people think I'm awesome either. It just kinda baffles me that people always seam nicer to me when I'm in a shitty mood. Am I more tolerable when I'm depressed or something? blah.

So Target called me tonight, to let me know that they couldn't ask me to come into work... I guess they needed some extra help, and one of the girls called me with out checking my schedual, if I had gone into work tonight, I would have ended up clockin in more than 40 hours, and there's no overtime, someone in the background figured it out before the girl who called asked me, so basically the conversation went a little something like this. "Hi Caitlin, it's (insert name here) from target, we wanted to know if--" (background discussion of Nono, she has too many hours! she can't come in!) "Oh, you can't come in. Sorry!". Fun.

Anyway, I get to see Bonnie after all, and that makes me very happy. Now I have to look around and figure out what to do while we're hanging out. but no matter what it's good. I really miss her, and I think we could both use some time with people we know even if it's only for a couple of hours. Maybe we can find a piercing place, and I can get something pierced. I just have to be careful, with work and everything, I don't have the time to heal any kind of oral piercing... I could do my eyebrow, or maybe my nose. I'd really like to go get a tattoo, but I don't have that kind of money. I should e-mail Dak, and see if he'll be able to do some work on my arm in August. I think if I go up to MA a day to two before Gencon, I can get the next part of my arm done, and if I start really saving, then I think I can afford to get it done...

I have a little mini goal for myself. I want to have to buy a new (smaller) bathingsuit for Allison's birthday party in September. The side mini goal (that has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss) is to be able to actually go swimming in New Hampshire in September... heh