I feel like my bullshit-o meter is about to over flow, I hope my head doesn't explode... that could be messy... I want a nice calm existence, where all my friends get along, and Avigen cares about me as much as I do about him and everyone is honest with everyone else, and we're all happy, and comtent. even if it only lasts a month... then I could be happy, or at least clean out the bullshit-o-meter, and be ready to start allover again... a month of happiness every 19 years or so really shouldn't be so much to ask, but I have a feeling it is...

It was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary today. we had a big party, and I don't feel like getting into thatwhole psycho drama.. I'm going to visit my grandparents Monday morning before I hang out with piskie and watch movies...

I still have this lingering feeling of worthlessness. I just feel so stupid and... ummm... worthless. See? I can't even really decribe it...

I locked my diary last night, because I didn't want Joyia to read the entry I wrote and think that I was mad at her. Because I wasn't. Aislinn misunderstood the entry, and I was afraid that Joyia would too.. Aislinn tried to point out that Avigen doesn't get to see Joyia that much, and thinks that that may be why he was gettign upset last night, but it's more than that. I see the way he is with her... She makes him happy in a way that I can't...that's how I know she's more important to him...

I'm also slightly worried about where the whole thing with the two of them is going. Joyia is now dating Red's ex husband. (way long story) She's said before that Avigen and Red's ex are equally important to her, but she doesn't consider herself and avigen to be dating. I see Avigen getting very hurt by her in the future... And once again I don't know if I'll be able to help him feel better. ::bangs head on table:: why can't things just be simple?