I know that Punky trying to kill herself is not directly my fault. I also know that hindsight is 20/20 and all that great jazz. All of that does nothing to stop all of the stupid 'what if's' that are running through my head right now.

Punky, Tylo and I were inseprable my last two years of High School. We spent almost every weekend at Tylo's house... I can't even begin to describe what it was really like. We all had our ouside friends, because the three of us are very different. There was even a fourth girl in the circle, but she was the first to drift...

Punky has a kinda shady past... Details that don't really belong here, be content to know that she had major issues with letting people get close to her...

I became the exception to that rule... we would sit in tylo's den watching movies, and TV and stuff. Tylo would sit in a recliner, I would sit on the couch, and Punky would be on the floor in front of me. I'd play with her hair, and rub her back and neck, and just run my fingers across her skin. For awhile I was the only person who could touch her like that... She often joked that I was probably the only person who'd ever do things like that, and how I'd have to be there when she had sex with her boyfriend because he could never touch her like that...

When I went to college, it became harder and harder to see them as often. Time runs funny for me sometimes, and the next thing I know we haven't talked in months and they're both pissed at me because I never call...

Now I feel like maybe if I had stayed close to them we'd all be better off... Punky would have me to come and talk to, and maybe she wouldn't have tried what she did.

I know, there's nothing I can do to change what's happened, but I feel horrible. and I still have these stupid 'what if's' in my head...

I want it to be tomorrow...