Avigen wasn't mad at me directly, I just got in the way of his already pissed off mood. This doesn't make it any better, except that I now have a reason for what happened, well no I figured that's what it was when I calmed down a little, now I know I was right.

runnig away to Joyia's house didn't do anything much to make me feel better. I thought about Avigen all night, and I still had that really dull empty ache...

I say him today, I feel a little better right now, but the ache is still there, I wish I knew how to make it go away...

Avigen makes me happy (when he's not mad at me) Joyia is so great, and fun to hang around with. Peppy is proving to be a very cool person...

Side track: He an I spent a long time talking, he drove me up to Joyia's and stayed over. do you know what I really felt like doing to him while he was talking about red? appologize. I was there, and I helped Red move out, and she did it in a way that was really mean to Peppy, and I was okay with it because she had been telling Aislinn all these horror stories about him, and I thought he was a horrible person, but I know now, that red had just gotten herself into a situation that she was unhappy with and she used us to get her out of it... I feel bad that Peppy got treated the way he did. I might really apologize to him someday. I don't know yet...

anyway: Julius is being really sweet right now, Aislinn was being so nice to me too. By all rights I shoudl be really happy right now. but I'm still can't shake this mood...

You know when you've been crying for a long long time you get this headache kinda thing right behind your forehead? it's almost like you're light headed, but you're not really, and you don't really have a headache, you just feel really drained? that's how I've felt the past few days, but I haven't really been crying all that much, usually just before I go to bed, and only until a fall asleep... that shouldn't give me that feeling all day... ::sigh:: I dunno...