So my dad came in my room this morning, and told me that my grandmother had passed away durring the night. I had to work a double today. Every one was really nice to me. Julius and Avigen both came in to see me. we're all at Julius's house right now, we just watched ocean's eleven. It was really good.

I don't really know how to feel right now. I'm sad that my grandmother is gone. I can even begin to int at how much I will miss her. but looking at her in the bed... I don't know, she just looked so bad. and she was in so much pain, and she was so far gone. but I'm having trouble saying what I'm thinking, because it sounds monstorus to say that ppart of me is relieved that she's not suffering anymore.

Until now it has been very easy for me to pretend that death doesn't scare me. I have so much running through my head right now. I'm not afraid of my death. I don't know why, from what I can tell that scares a lot of people. I don't know if there's anything beyond this existance. I think that there is, but how could I possibally know for sure. and if there's not, well I don't have uch to worry about do I. It buggs me a whole lot more to think that my grandmother may just be lieing in the ground for the rest of time. that she's really gone.

That's the core of it I think. I don't care what happens to me, but it kills me to think that my grandmother may be gone forever, that eventually everyone I know may just be gone, never to come back. ::sigh:: life stinks right now...

On the slightly brighter side Avigen and Julius have aparently started hanging out again. that makes me happy. I didn't like to see the two most important people in my life fighting with each other... It's only been a little, but small steps are better than no steps, or leaps backwerd.