So I went to see her today... I expected to go and see her grave, and marker, and all the flowers from the funeral. I expected to be able to see her name, and cry, and apologize for not staying with her, and, I don't know what.

Instead, I go and she's burried, and there's a big board over her and all the flowers are heaped up on to of the board... That's how I knew, and even then I wasnt sure... I waked up and down the area checking for her marker, thinking that I had just missed it. I went back to my car and called mom to see what was going on, and she informs me that they havn't even picked it out yet, so it'll be a few days before it's all there. Now I feel even worse about it all. There's a part of me that really wants to pitch a tent and stay there until it's all done. But most of me knows that would be taking this too far. So I cried on the phone with mom, then I got off and called Julius, cried some more, got off the phone with him. Stayed in my car looking at the grave and feeling very bad about he whole thing.

Then this woman walks over to the grave and starts looking at the flowers... I don't know her, and it's very unlikely that she knew Grammy. She wasn't there yesterday, I know that for sure, and with the whole lack of a marker, I'm fairly certain that she didn't know who she was looking at. She left and walked over to a group of people who were standing around a marker. She kept on looking back a grammy's grave, eyeing the flowers... I think she was going to take some for whoever was burried where she was. Lucky for her that she didn't. I'm not the most stable person right now. I don't know what I would have done, but I wouldn't have let her take them...

All of this put me in a horrible horrible mood, and has taken away any desire I had to do anything tonight. All I wanted was to curl up with someone. Not in public. I was going to try to convice Avigen to curl up with me... He called when he got out of work... His allergies are acting up, and he feels crappy. ::sigh::

Julius and his mother are going to have the bitching match of the century tonight when she gets home from work...::sigh::

I called Punky, she hasn't called back... ::sigh::

So I'm here, alone, depressed, trying to hide it from my parents...