There's a detour on the way to piskie's house that takes you over a huge green bridge (Julius and I had to go that way yesterday), about halfway over the bridge there's a ladder that leads all the way up to the top of the brigde to a little catwalk style platform with a blinking red light on it. As Julius and I were driving over the bridge, I found myself wondering if I could get up to that catwalk, and if I could how long I'd be able to stay up there before I got in trouble. Then I realized that if some one wanted to kill themselves it would be very easy to do so they could either hang themselves, or just jump. That made me think of all of those TV shows and movies where the person is going to jump off of a building, and how non committed to it they must be. I mean if you really wanted to end your life that's a fairly efficent way to do it. Once you jump you're pretty much done, as long as you're high enough up. and there's not too much people can do to stop you, unless you stand there and wait for someone to come with one of those huge parachutes.

After a while of thinking on this I realized that it's probably not a very healthy frame of mind. I wasn't thinking of Killing Myself, but death on the brain never something I like to have for long pierods of time.

And of corse when ever I think about death my thoughts ultamitly go to my grandparents. I want to go see them again, but I dont' have a car, nor do I really have anyone I want to ask to take me. I know I'm going to cry, and it's not that I don't have friends that I can cry in front of, it's just I know I'll feel stupid, and they really don't have any reason to be there. They didn't know my grandparents. I dont know, I can't imagine it being high on anyone's priority list to sit in a car and watch their friend/girlfriend sobbing over a plot of land. And I also don't know if I'd want whoever I took to be standing near me. I talk to them when I'm there, as stupid as that sounds, and I'm not sure I'd do it in front of other people. I know, I'm a moron.