I want to talk to Avigen. It's not about anything really important. Well yeah it is. But it's not about us. It's just something I'd like to talk about with him. Does that make sence?

I was talking to Julius about my Job. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like it. I like the People, for the most part. I like the Pay, I like the benefits, but the actually work is something I abhore. I feel like I'm five pages behind everyone else, and that my job is hanging by a thread. It's not, but somehow that's how I feel. I told Julius this, and he told me that that is how life is if you've decided to go the Non college route. He went along those lines for awhile, and then said that he thought that it wasn't so much my job, that It was Avigen. what that means I still don't know.

I will grant him that it may not be my job directly, but I know it's not Avigen. I feel like I'm struggeling to wake up right now.

I don't know what I'm waking up from, or what I'll be when I do, but I think I need changes in my life. I need to decide what it is I want to do for the rest of my life. What it is that I will be able to do day after day with out getting urges to curl up in a ball of nothingness. I need to figure out how to be able to get into that field. I need to get into shape. I need to stop being half assed about my life. I feel the motivation building. I feel like I'm a pot of water just about to boil. Part of me wishes that I had gotten this 5 years ago. Maybe my burner wasn't as high as everyone elses. I should start saving for when I do decide that I'm ready.

In completely unrelated news, I took the little one driving around that block. It was her first time driving ever. she did a good job, she was really excited too. good for her. I'll have to sneak her away and teach her more often...

Avigen and I were soposed to hang out tonight, but when I called him he was too tired, and he's working at his fathers tomorrow morning. I don't know If we're going to get to hang out at all before his parents go away. That happens in two weeks. Sombrengel may "want to be cool like Julius and Imandra" but I would gladly give up every memory of the concert for her living situation.

::sigh::