I wrote Sombrengel an Lord Alan an e-mail saying that I wasn't going to play in their LARP this, or next month. Next month is Origins, This month, well, we play the last saturday of every month, our chronicles/backstories are due the week before, which would be in two days, but I'm going to be in technology free New Hampshire with Joyia (the cabin we're going to doesn't have a TV much less a dial up modem to hook up to the non-existant computer) On the day that it's due, and I'm running a game that I don't have a session planed for tomorrow, so I have to think of that before I start in on a whole new character. I had intention's of putting the whole Gypsy, spy-ish concept on the back burner to simmer and spill out onto a paper (that is how I usually write stories. Most Idea's, left to their own devices, evolve into their own life, and then it's just a matter of channeling it onto paper), but after some money issues (which are still being ironed out), and More and more unease with my current living situation, I think the pot may have tiped over and fallen behind the Brain that is my Stove.

I hope they understand that I'm not blowing their game off, and I do really want to play. I want to be a useful character that adds to the plot, and makes everything more enjoyable. I think that the best way for me to do that is to skip this month, and give myself time to have a firm grip on the character.

I'm still not Talking to my parents. I'm begining to feel like I'm acting childish about this whole thing, but they gave away my car... so maybe I'm not. That's the source of my stress right now: I don't usually hold onto anger. Usually I just let the anger I have blow away. This time I'm making myself hold onto the anger, because I want them to apologize to me. I deserve an apology for what they did to me, and I don't want to let this blow over. It's too big. I don't think they will though. I don't know.

I have this very strange urge to take a vow of silence. Not forever, just to give my life a chance to settle down. I feel like maybe if I cut the verbal part of my existance off for awhile things in my head might fall into place better. I'm much more clear minded when I'm sitting here in front of my computer typing out these entries, and I'm curious to see if that would extend into my everyday life if I were to stop talking for awhile. It occurs to me that This is not the most sane urge.

I also realize that while I am employed at a facility where I awnser phones all day, that I will fast find myself unemployed if I were to do that. I wonder how long I would last. I walk in, smile, nod when people talk to me, start up my computer, log into the phone, start up my databases, wait for the call. Say nothing, the customer hangs up, I wrap up, take the next call. and the next, and the next, all of my customers just hang up on me. My wrap up time is great because The customers don't ask me to do anything. The number of calls I take durring the day is maxed out. My talk time would be lower than it should though, I can't imagine that anyone would stay on a line of dead air for more than a minute or two. How long would it be before someone noticed that I wasn't talking to anyone on the phone? would I make it a whole day? Maybe if our cubicles were set up differently. But I think the two women who sit on either side of me would notice if I wasn't talking on the phone.

I have a weeks vacation between christmas and New Years This year, maybe I'll try it then. See if that helps any. I could also Not talk at Origins. I don't know why this thought is so appealing right now. Maybe I'm just going Insane.