The following was written in New Hampshire over the course of the weekend:

I�m so proud of me! I drove from my house, through Boston all the way up to New Hampshire: A) by myself, and B) without getting lost.

Damn it! I had a thought while I was driving. It was important to the point that I was debating pulling over to write it down, but I didn�t, and now I�m sitting here writing about what I was tempted to do in the vain hope that it will jar the thought loose. It�s not working. I wonder how many brilliant ideas have been lost like that� Not that mine was brilliant, mind you, but still, it�s a wonder.

Joyia is so beautiful. Just the shape of her body when she doesn�t know you�re watching her. That�s when people are the most attractive: when they don�t know you�re watching them, or when you�ve gotten to the point where they are comfortable enough around you that they move naturally, and without thought. I�m still shy around Joyia when it comes to our relationship. Friendship wise I�m fine. Why is it that I�m always insecure with the people I�m dating? Oh. Right. I have that annoying, nagging fear that I�m an absolutely useless, horrible human being and that someday Avigen and Joyia are going to leave me, or that neither of them really cares about me. Actually, the first part applies more to Joyia, and the second to Avigen. Avigen�s known me longer than anyone I�m close to now. I sometimes just wonder if he would be upset at all if I decided that I didn�t want to be with him anymore.

It�s been a year since Grammy died. I can�t believe it. I still miss her. Popa�s on e year is coming in July. I still cry when I go to their grave. I�m not sure why. Crying won�t change it, and it won�t make me miss them less. I think it might be that when I�m there I�m as close to them as I physically can be, and it makes me realize that I�ll never hear either of them sigh and say �Oh, Dear� again. Grammy will never kiss my cheek again, and Popa will never whisper �I love you so much� while he�s hugging me. I don�t dwell on it all the time, but being at their grave brings those thoughts up. Wow, quite a ramble eh?

I was supposed to bring Joyia back down here with me, but her job is going to have (paying) work for her for the next three weeks or so. She�s gonna stay for that, and then come down. I�m taking one of her Snakes when she comes.

I need a new layout for this thing. I can�t find one that I really like though. I�m tempted to see if I can make my own. I�d probably be pretty satisfying to code my own HTML. Maybe I�ll even ask Avigen or Joyia to draw me something to use for an image�

I�m afraid the Transmition on my car might be going. I can�t afford to do anything about that until after origins. I hate being poor.

I feel bad. Joyia brought me up here for the weekend. Right now I�m alone in our room. Joyia�s here with Mom jr, and the Chaperone. The chaperone is Mom jr.�s older Brother, Mom jr. is Joyia�s mother ex-best friend. I like and her brother. The chaperone�s kids are here, with a friend each, and a full keg� of bud light (blech) They�re all pretty drunk (even Joyia was for a bit, but is better now) and they�re all outside. I don�t feel like being social right now. It�s nothing against any of them. I�m just taking this weekend to relax. If I knew everyone out there better I might go (its fun to watch drunk people) but I don�t, and it�s quite here. I just took a bath, and I feel all clean. Yay for clean�

So yeah, I�m home now. I had a lot of fun this weekend. I feel very de-stressed� I wonder how long it will last. The Ride home sucked, I almost died because of stupid people in white cares who don�t have enough sense to PUT THEIR LIGHTS ON!!!! When it�s fucking raining and their on the Highway and there�s all this white mist being kicked up from the tires of other cars�

I talk to Julius a bit, I guess Piskie when to get the wings that she�s always wanted tattooed on her back, and had a less than pleasant experience, which will be followed by at least two more� He said that at one point she called the guy a horrible person and asked how he could live with himself when he brought nothing but pain into innocent people�s lives. Part of me feels really bad, but another part is laughing a little (sorry piskie). I�m going to hold off comment until I have one, and then I�ll be able to speak from experience� Julius and I are going to go see when he quotes me for one of mine� If it�s less than $100, I�ll get it, this week, but I somehow see it being more than that. We�ll see.

Okay, I think that�s all for now.