I had a dream last night, I'd type it out, but it's actually motivated me to write a book. I wonder how long it will last this time. I have this nasty habit of starting a story, writing out a chapter or two, and them leaving it rotting in a notebook in my room. I actually have a couple of paragraphs from old stuff that I want to modify and incorporate. I wonder if I could actually write a complete book, and have it published. That'd be pretty sweet. I'm not looking for a best seller or anything, but to actually have a book out there with my name on it would be cool. Of course I always have that fear that I'm actually no more than a rambling idiot, and that my writing isn't good, or entertaining. Oh well, I can try can't I?

It occurs to me that I was supposed to be using the month of July to plan out more of my Wheel of Time game. I haven't done that yet. I should start doing it because we're going to re-start it in august. I'm also getting a new player, NAVA, he will be the first player in my game who has read the books. This frightens me, I'm afraid that I'm missing major points of the book, and running the game wrong, it's okay when I'm running with people who don't know better, but with someone who'd read the books, I get nervous. ::sigh:: I worry too much...

I really want it to be Saturday. On Saturday I get to go up to Joyia's, I'll get to see her friends, and the barn, and her, I miss her so much, she's coming back down here soon, I can't wait... SnakeLady asked if our relationship was a V or a triangle, I told her it was a triangle, but it's one of those elongated ones because Joyia is so far away. I want it to be a cute little equal sided triangle between the three of us, regardless of what other shapes might stem off of said triangle.

I wrote all that at work today. Now I want to tell you about tonight.

Yesterday my mother asked if we all could be home because we all needed to talk. Okay, fine, whatever. I�m home tonight, and she sits us all down and says that she doesn�t want this to turn into a yelling match, and that she has some things to say to all of us, but she�s going to start specifically with the oldest. She said that she feels like she has enabled me, in the sense that I have no concept of what to do with money, and that I use them as a safety net, and that I don�t do anything around the house, and how I�m never around, and how I don�t do anything, and how I didn�t care about her dislocated shoulder. She went on to say that she thought the fact that I was moving out was a good thing, because it would show me how wrong I was, and open my eyes, and while I�ll always have a home here, they won�t be my financial safety net anymore. Then the Bitchy one and the little one piped in and started saying how I think I own the house, and that everyone bends over backward to do what I want when I have little to no concern for any of them. The little one was upset because the past two times that she�s asked if she could use the computer (while I�m in the middle of something) I�ve said no. Which I pointed out, and she maintained that she�s never done the same to me, and every time I try to say anything, I have at least two people jumping down my throat. I drew the line when the little one said �just because you�re ten times the sized of us, doesn�t make you Queen of the house.� I went up stairs. They sent her up to apologize, which she did, and asked me to come downstairs. I told her I didn�t care what she had to say, and that it was all well and good for her to apologize, but to please leave my room. She wouldn�t leave, and tried to get me to come down stairs so that they could gang back up on me and tell me what horrible person I am. I declined, multiple times, and when she stopped listening, I stopped talking, because really, what�s the point? She managed to talk herself into a lot more insulting comments, which nullifies any previous attempt at an apology, and left. No one else said anything until my mother went to bed and asked what time I would need to pick up my car.

I really feel like they all organized this evening to try and look like a �family meeting� but really the only person that they needed to be there was me, so that they could all vent their frustrations about me not being at the house. I asked my mother if she even knew why I didn�t talk to them for 3 months. She said �because the car was towed, or something like that�� My dad is now claiming that a) I was given a deadline, and b) that he tried to stop the guy from coming. Both points are bullshit. Especially the second one, if he tried to stop the guy, what happened that night when both he and my mother begged me for the title? I am so sick of this shit. I�ve been completely ganged up on by my family, and there�s nothing I can say to make them believe I am anything other than a worthless pile of shit who doesn�t care, short of begging them to forgive me when they�re at fault, and I�m the one who should be receiving apologies� I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I feel like nothing in my life is worth this. I�m so lost.