I had a dream last night that haunted me all day... I hate that feeling, wait... here's the dream first:

I dreampt that Julius and I were having a party (but our house looked like my mom's house). Avigen and Ghost were there, but they were up in the Bitchy one's room talking in a chat room. (Which is becuase Piskie and Spider monkey were talking about how they do that on tuesdays, They have these meetings with some people they play games with online). Frangel was there, so I found Julius and told him that she was here (you know, 'cause he was the one who banned her from our house) he shrugged and didn't seam to care. I went up to her and told her that she wasn't allowed to drink in our house. She laughed and brushed past me. I was upset, so I went upstairs, near tears, to the bitchy one's room to talk to Ghost and Avigen about it. I collapsed to the floor crying. Ghost sat on the bed and asked me what was wrong. I admitted that maybe I was more upset about the whole frangel ordeal that I had origonally thought. Ghost sat on the bed and stroked my hair until I calmed down. Avigen stayed on the computer. When I had stopped crying Ghost told me that in the future I shouldn't inturupt them when they're in meetings like that.

I've been thinking about it all day... What are you soposed to do when your brain tells you you're upset about things that you don't think you're upset about? A lot of what was going on in that dream seams readly interpratable: The Frangle thing: I could be more upset about it, or afraid that no one will care about it in a few weeks, and she'll just be let back in like nothing has happened (which is something that happens a lot at my mom's house).

The Ghost and Avigen thing: I could be afraid that I'll be pushed aside and not be important to either of them, like a little child who's over reacting to everything and interupting their adult time.

but that's the thing that could be how you interpret the different parts of the dream, but I don't feel that way, at least I don't think I do, I sopose that I might, on some subconsious level, but why would this manifest itself in a dream, instead of at the forefront of my brain where I could mull it over and work things out?

::sigh:: things are stupid sometimes.

I had my mom, dad, aunt, and two cousins over for dinner on saturday. It went well, everyone liked dinner, and my cousins stayed over, and made characters for a D&D campaign that I'm going to run for them. I really like the characters that they made... I can't wait to start the game...

I difenatly like thing with my parents better now that I don't live with them, they were so proud of me, that's a good feeling.

I was talking to Avigen the other day about something that I've been realizing. I don't feel like I should be here right now. It's kind of hard to explain completely. The best way I can think to explain it is that if I were a character in a role playing game, or in a fantasy novel, I would be on a spirtural quest right now. I feel like I need to be by myself for an extended period of time. There are things I need to think out, that I can't do while sitting up in my room with Julius downstairs, or across the hall... I have the 26th through the 30th of December off, and I think I might run away... I haven't decided yet, but I'm leaning heavily towards yes...