I can't sleep, my mind is racing around a bunch of different things, and it won't stop. I can't shut it off.

I don't have a Job, I don't know what I'm going to do about that. I can apply at walmart, but they're not hiring right now. I could look for temp agencies. I could Appeal at Poland Spring. (I've just come to the conclusion that there is a lot of stuff that's going to be said in here that I haven't really written about yet. It's 1 in the morning, and I have to get what's running through my head out before my brain explodes and runs out the orifices in my face, I'll fill in the gaps next time I update) But none of those is what I want to do. What I want to do is open a piercing shop, and I can't do that until I take some classes and get aprentinced somewhere, which won't happen until I have money, which won't happen until I get a job, so I have to suck it up and deal, and play the game a little longer. I'm just going to look into playing someone elses game. I can't play the Poland Spring corporate bullshit game anymore. It's just not going to happen.

There are still Avigen issues, I've tlked to him, and things seam like they might be headed into a beter direction, but then for every step foward, it seams like there are three steps in a completely different direction that wind up equaling back.

I talked to Joyia a few days ago, and she told me that she didn't feel like she was in a relationship any more, which is very scary to me, I'm afraid she go to AZ and I'll never hear from her again. I don't see her a lot but I do love her, and I don't want her to go. the other thing is, she said that she wanted me and Avigen to go see her, but didn't think that we would, I told her I'd get Avigen to come with me this week, and I did, but the day she agreed on she now says that she's coming down here and not going back up intil like 6, and is having a movie night, so I guess we're not really going to get a chance to talk. But the three of us really should, because it's a very serious thing ifshe doesn't feel like she's in a relationship anymore.

I'm soposed to go to my parents house tomorrow for breakfast, but I really don't want to go because they know I got fired, and I really don't want to talk about it with them.

I feel bad, because tonight Ghost came over, and asked what was going on tomorrow, there's no game so Avigen and I made plans to get some (very much needed) alone time. I told her that Avigen and I were hanging out, and she said to give her a call, and I said I would. that was bad in the comunication aspect, because I should have said that I really needed it to be alone time, and now if I don't call her tomorrow she's going to think that I'm trying to keep things from her, but I'm not, I'm just having massive doubts about Avigen's feelings for me, and I haven't had alone time with him in forever, but I don't want to make her feel excluded but there's no way for me to do that. And it's the same way with the whole Snakelady thing, If she wants to start something with Avigen that's fine on the surface level, I just see me being pushed back onto that back burner, and I can't deal with any of this right now.