I have a disease. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. What that means is that my Ovaries are covered in cysts. They throw off my hormone levels so that, unaided, my body doesn't cycle regulary (I don't know when I'm going to get my period). It will make it difficult when I try to have children (espically when I don't believe in going through fertility treatments. Just for me, I think if I'm meant to have a child, I'll get pregnant, if I'm not, then I won't), but other than that I'm pretty okay. My body has gotten used to functioning whith the hormone levels that it makes itself. The inconvience of not knowing when I will get my period is easily remidied: Go on birth control (which gave me an added bonus when I was in college).

There are some drawbacks to that solution though. Birth control fucks with your hormone levels. For normal, non cyst ridden individuals, the differnt levels are negligable, but I'm starting to believe that their quite different for me. My brain functions very differently the day before, all the way through to the day after I stop bleeding. I get weepy, things that bother me get blown way out of proportion, and I get insecure. That is not how I normally function.

I stopped bleeding on wednesday, which means the whole thing with Avigen happened while I was in my alternet mind set.This revelation came to me yesterday, you know, when my normalself was beating my period mindframe back to the corner where it belongs.

I really want to talk to Avigen. I need to explain this to him, I don't know if it will change anything, but I do think he should know. I also want to know what it was about then entry that made him decide that we couldn't date anymore. He wasn't planning to break up with me before tuesday. At least that's what he told Snakelady.

As a side note, I'm going to start marking entries that are made when I'm bleeding, it'll say Bloody entry in the title, I think that will make everyone a bit more aware of just how differently I think a few days out of the month. I'll mark the entries for this past month, and for every month there after.