Okay, so there are some things that have been rattling around in my head for a while. Some of it longer than others, but still. What I am about to say is not nice. It's blunt, and it's my opinion on other people's business. Call me a bitch if you want, yell at me if you want. But this is my journal, and I'll write almost anything in here...

Spider Monkey- There is an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Debra is talking about her wedding plans before she marries Ray. She pulls out a box, and starts talking to her mother about arraingments that have to be made. Ray asks how long she stayed up planing all of that, she said that she had been planning it since she was 12, and that Raymond was just the final piece of the puzzle. Ray then feels cheap, like she didn't care much about him, as long as he wore a tux and said "I do". (I'm a pop culture savant, what can I say?) I feel very much that Spider Monkey has a similar thing happening. Not with a wedding, but with his vision of what love should be. He wants this all consuming love in his life, to be able to survive all other hardships because of a bond with another human being so strong that mearly talking to them can irradicate all the bad, and hurt. He's also got this woman shaped hole in the plan. I've known him for three years. While he was dating Piskie She filled that hole. She was all he needed, his soul mate. He loved her in deep and earth-shattering ways. Now Kelly fills the hole and well he says that:

"I love you [kelly] more than all of the emotions that have been born from the risings and settings of the sun and moon... The clouds and stars playing the canvas to endless tears and smiles with which we paint our lives...Still, the love that rises in me finds a way to make the sun and stars seem dim in comparrison... the clouds, even as lofty, vibrant, and alive with color as they are, cannot compare to the heights my heart soars when I think of thee... Even the moon... it merely hangs in the night sky to show you that no matter where you are... my soul dreams of you...".

I guess my problem with this is that love is like an added bonus in life, you get it, but you don't know how strong it's going to be, wether it will be all consuming, or a quiet reassurance, if it will be breif, or if it will endure, or if it will blacken and twist and shrivel and die. It's not fair to try to force love to be something it's not. Not fair to you, or the person you're forcing it with, becasue then you never get to see how your love was soposed to be, and you miss important lessons.

Aislinn- This one is shorter, because it speaks to a situation that was blown out of proportion just last night. Julius has a date with AnimeGirl (as I will henceforth refer to her), a friend of Avigen's from work. I've met her a few times, she's really cute, and funny, and draws anime. She came to the party at Fuzzy's on the fourth, where she and Julius talked for quite awhile. He had mentioned to Ghost that he kind of liked her, and that he'd like to date her. Ghost talked to Avigen, who talked to AnimeGirl. Yesterday Avigen called and told Julius that AnimeGirl wanted to go on a date with him (Julius) sunday. On Tuesday Aislinn came over, and we finished watching the third season of Coupling. She had ordered the first season, and was expecting to get it on thursday, so we were all talking about the possibility of getting together this weekend to watch that. She and Julius talked durring the week and set plans for today to watch it after she got out of work. When Julius heard from Avigen about AnimeGirl, He called Aislinn and left her a message saying that he had to cancle. Aislinn called here and (from what Julius says) yelled at him about breaking plans. I heard his side of the conversation, and I have her entry written less than an hour after they hung up. People break plans, it doesn't make the person that they broke plans with unimportant. You should look at what the two plans were: sitting around watching TV with a friend, or going on a date with someone you have a romantic interst in. If the TV thing were a ritual then maybe it would take higher pressadence, but it's not. AnimeGirl isn't a stranger either, this isn't a blind date, they've talked, and there's an attraction there, and it's not like he's just canceling, and not wanting to do it ever. She said that it was an Asshole thing for him to do. I'm just wondering which is more Asshole-esque: Calling someone and saying "Hey, I know we were soposed to watch TV tomorrow night, but something came up, I'll have to reschedual." or "Well if you're going to cancle plans to watch TV with me then I must be worthless to you, and I don't want to be your friend anymore. ever.".

That's it.