I feel the urge to write. I don�t have much to say, so don�t hold your breath for a miraculous life changing, nail biting entry. This is just me not wanting to go to bed yet, and attempting to clear some of what goes through my head.

I hate my job. I try to smile, and pass it off as okay, but really? I hate it. Everyone talks about everyone else, my first impressions of people were all proven off. My manager doesn�t do what he says he will. retail sucks. The main reason I try not to complain about it is because it�s my own fault that I�m there. I need this right now, because I need money. I need time to get myself in shape, and save money. After I�ve done that, I can try other things.

I�m so lonely right now. I don�t know anyone down here, and my family drives me up the wall. Don�t get me wrong, I love them, and I�m grateful that they took me back in, but really, it�s past time for me to be gone. I was gone, but then I came back. again, all my fault. Have to fix it. I almost had myself deluded into thinking that I would be okay without an friends. I really did. Then I hopped onto myspace, and I saw that Joyia had posted some pictures of herself up on her profile, and I realized how long it�s been since I�ve seen her, and how little we talk now, and how very much I miss her. And then Piskie made a profile, and there�s that, because I know that whatever I�m going through she�s got it so much worse. Then I called Julius today, and Red was there, and I feel like a bitch because I haven�t called her lately, but I just don�t have time to do that because of work. Avigen picked up the phone, and I wanted to talk to him, but I didn�t know what to say. I talk to Lights and Snakeface a lot online, but I miss them too. I don�t know. I do know that I�m going to Gencon this summer, so at least I�ll get to see everyone who�s there.

Then there�s this other side of me that thinks that maybe it�s good that I�m doing this. Maybe it�s better that I learn to not get so lonely when I�m separated from people. I should learn to stand on my own. If I can do that, if I can be happy alone, then when I do get the chance to be around people, it will be all the more special. Does that make sense? Like, if I spend all my time pinning over the friends that aren�t here, I�ll be miserable. But, if I learn how to have fun, and be happy with out them here, then I�ll be good. Happy most of the time, and Super Happy when I have people I care about around me. That�s probably the better way to do it.

See? Big jumble of crap. Mostly venting, and it probably doesn�t make sense to most of you. oh well.

Happy Birthday to me (4 days ago)